The problem with Mental Health
Where do I start?
Its overwhelming to think about this as there are so many perspectives and realities so I will come at this from a human coaching perspective, a human coach who works in HR.
Over the last 15+years I have worked across industries, sectors and organisations. I grew up in an “NHS Family” one where both parents worked their whole career and lives within the NHS. I LOVE and loathe the NHS.
I have to caveat that I am a hyper sensitive individual and so I pick up on things, I am obsessed with human nature and have been from when I understood that I needed to listen to survive. Before hitting 30 – my memory used to be as sharpe as tick…. Im far more interested in everyone else than myself and so I feel as though – my credentials for writing this “article” are as follows. I learn from every interaction, every story, everything where a human has been involved.
I never had anything to say when my mother picked us up from school and would instead listen with fascination as she would explain her day in detail. Domestic violence, child abuse, malnourished babies and children, mentally ill parents, versus my dad – who was very senior, who talked mostly about landmark tribunal cases he was involved with, and big moral decisions he had to make. I remember one night him walking our home lawn for about 6 hours relentlessly, call after call, waiting, thinking, a really strained face. You see – there had been a very bad car accident and a young child was in a critical condition in intensive care. The only way that the child would live was with a blood transfusion. Except that wasn’t possible for the family because they were Jehovas Witnesses.
I was so consumed by my dads that night and the dilemma where a young childs life hung in the balance. Science Vs Emotion. That’s ultimately what it comes down to isn’t it. And who is right? Its simply not as simple as that because we humans are complex. Very, very complex.
Beliefs and values play a massive part in our lives but one of the problems – the big problems I see and feel everyday is that people are so out of touch with who they are and what they believe that they find themselves in conflict and cant process that this is why they feel so shit.
To be able to conquer a fantastic life in todays day and age I believe you have to know – who you are – be at peace with the pain you have experienced and encountered or at least be working through it to know who you want to be. If you do this that decision asking becomes far easier.
I will tell you a hundred times that I myself am a loner, I don’t fit in, I never have, but I have always tried, I’ve bought better clothes, better make up, a better car – to try and fit in – surely if I look kinda normal – then I might be able to slip through undetected…..hell no – I’m like a giant multicoloured elephant trying to get into a mouse hole.
The material stuff will only carry you so far. We buy (and very quickly) these days because of emotional turmoil. To self medicate. How many parents or grandparents rewarded you with toys, treats or sweets when you were good? To reward you? How often now do you find yourself justifying to yourself, I deserve this, because it is programmed into you that when you’re good – you get a physical reward except now you’re an adult and a 50p mix is the equivalent of a £100 perfume, or a night out at £80.
We yearn to be included, we yearn to feel successful, we yearn to feel good and technology is making that yearning more frequent with more immediate results sought. I call it amazon culture – we buy to receive NOW, and that is setting our wider expectations about life.
We are searching for quick fixes, for instant gratification and we are not getting it. We go bigger, we go harder and then the stress beads start to roll down your brow when its two days after payday and you’ve already maxed out your debit card on crap and now its overdraft, well if Im going to dive in – I might as well do it properly and so this self mutilation continues.
No accountability.
No real resilience.
We are now similar to butter left out on a hot day…. Doesn’t take much for us to be a hot sweaty mess – am I right?
So the problem with mental health for me is actually quite simple. We are so out of tune with ourselves we are actually conning ourselves – except deep down we know – we know we are living a lie, and that just feeds the anxiety gremlins all the food they desire….. “ooohhhh you’re going to get into trouble…everyones going to know what a loser you are…. Ohhhhhhh wait until I tell your mommy!”
So – we keep working to keep up appearances – except we are spending so much time and energy doing this everything else is going to shit – and its not fun anymore – and I’m exhausted and I just need a drink to take the edge off and now everyone hates me – and maybe ill just go and eat worms.
The simple truth is that we have weak cores because we don’t spend enough time building them, nurturing them and reinforcing them and so we dint easily.
All the focus is on Mental Health which is another big problem for me and one I’m susceptible to reinforcing for ease of not trying to undo what MH campaigners have spent years trying to achieve. The big problem about Mental Health is that it should be Emotional Health – We don’t think without feeling.
At what point do we start to acknowledge the real truths of our “identities”? at what point do we stand up and be brave in saying who we are and what we are about and that we are living lies? Don’t believe you fall into this category? Then tell me how much you have in savings, tell me when you last had sex, that you’ve always been faithful, that you are in your relationship for the right reasons, that your boss really knows what you think of them , of their partner….. That’s the problem with Mental Health for me – its that we aren’t truthful with ourselves, so how can we solve the pandemic of mental Ill Health until we each realise that about ourselves and start to take accountability for it?
So – in terms of what the problem with MH is – that’s a start – tell me what you think but before you do – make sure you’re answering the question asked against my perspective within the context of what I’ve written.
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